Untangling the Truth from the Lies (Part 2)

Finding healing following religious trauma and spiritual abuse.

When we have experienced religious trauma or spiritual abuse, it can be incredibly hard to understand what is right and truely know who God is. So much pain is attached to his good name and we carry so much heartache and confusion because of the ways that he has been misrepresented to us.

In the previous segment on Untangling the Truth from the Lies, we looked at how and why the image of God is distorted through religious trauma and the need for us to reframe what we know about God through the lens of scripture. In this segment, I would like to take the time to focus in on more practical ways that we can untangle the truth from the lies.

Ask Questions

If you have experienced spiritual abuse, been at the receiving end of religious trauma or raised in a high-control religious environment there is a significant struggle in working to understand who God really is and what it means for Christians to imitate Christ in their love and care toward you. There is an unravelling and relearning so that your understanding falls in line with the truth because what you know to be normal is not normal and never has been. Unravelling the coercion, control and layers of conditioning takes time, recognising the lies and confusion that have been your life does not happen overnight. Rather, there is a slow acceptance of the difference between your own experiences and what is taught in scripture.

The starting point in untangling what appears to be a matted knot is courageously asking questions that pull at that thread. Gentle, compassionate questions that allow you to shine the light of God's word onto those situations.

• Reflect on the gap between your head and your heart when it comes to different understandings you have regarding your family/church/spouse/God etc. What does your internal dialogue sound like? Are there particular images, experiences or thoughts that come up?

• How can you fit your knowledge of what scripture says who God is with the internal dialogue from the above question?

• Think on authority figures in your life who have been called to represent God to you (parents/teachers/counsellors/church leaders). What understandings do you have about God based on their words and actions? Now think about what scripture tells us about God and how that fits/doesn't fit with those understandings? (e.g. My dad left and doesn't love me but scripture says that God will never leave me nor forsake me)

• What does it look like for you to separate what you know about Christians from your experiences and scripture's calling to them for how they are to live?

• Reflect on the different voices and influences in your life (internal and external) that have shaped your view of God. How do they align with what the bible teaches?

As you do all of this continue to ground yourself in the truths of God's word as that becomes the framework for understanding and engaging with all of this.

Building Relationships

When we have been hurt by others, particularly those who profess to be Christian, it can be incredibly hard to trust anyone. At the same time, it is the people around us who are able to help us to identify and call out the lies that we believe about God and his people.

As we surround ourselves with people who truely embody the love of Christ, we start to recognise the freedom and grace that is found in God's presence. As they draw us close into relationship, we start to see what it truely means to experience unconditional love, we understand what it looks like to find grace and freedom through the cross and how to live out of that freedom in our relationships. When we experience trauma and abuse at the hands of other people, we find healing as we build relationship with trustworthy, wholehearted, faithful people.

As you think about your own relationships, here are a few different points or journaling prompts that you can reflect on to strengthen your current relationships and encourage you as you think about building new ones:

• As you reflect on your current relationships, which of them feel safe and nurturing? What about these relationships leaves you feeling this way and are there ways that you can cultivate this as you build new relationships?

• What does it mean for you to belong? What about your friends/family/church leaves you feeling like you belong? What makes you feel as if you do not belong?

• Reflect on boundaries. What are some compassionate, gentle and healthy boundaries that guard your heart and protect your spiritual well-being? How could they support and nurture authenticity in your relationships?

• What does it mean for you to trust others and be vulnerable in your relationships? What relationships do you have where you feel that you can do this without fear?

• Where might you be able to connect and build new relationships where you can truely experience the love of Christ?

In your journaling and reflection pay attention to what your gut is saying. This is probably going to be hard, especially because the experiences we are trying to unravel conditioned you in some way to ignore those feelings, but try to tune in and engage with some of those gut responses because they often tell us a lot about how safe we really feel.

Spiritual Vitality

In the wake of religious trauma and spiritual abuse, we find a significant loss of relational and spiritual vitality. God seems distant and we feel disconnected from him and the people around us. Instead of finding ourselves drawn to the good an gracious love of God, we draw back in fear and uncertainty, focussing on what we need to do in order to measure up and the ways that we are unworthy or unlovable.

We do not need to hustle or scramble to make ourselves worthy of a relationship with God, we are already worthy because of our Saviour. The relationship that we have is not based on any of our own accomplishments, it is because of the reconciliation that we have in Christ; our Saviour made it okay for us to have a close personal fellowship with God. He took the weight of our unworthiness, carried our sins and our shame and made it possible for us to draw close and build relationship.

A rebuilding or reconnecting to our own spiritual vitality comes from finding wholeness and healing in the context of our relationship with God. Trauma shatters our soul, it breaks it into little pieces, some of which get tucked away and forgotten and the process of putting that together is through God's grace and love, it is through the healing that is found in the safety of His arms. This is a long journey, a cultivation of vitality that comes from actively finding stillness in the presence of God. Some thoughts and points to reflect on as you think about cultivating this for yourself:

• What does it mean for you to abide in the presence of God? What images come to mind?

• Draw or describe a place that symbolises peace to you. What does it mean for you to sit and fellowship with God in that place?

• Think on the word surrender. What fears come up when you hear that word? What questions do you have about surrendering yourself to God? How can you pray to him in a way that is surrendering?

• What meaningful practices - such as prayer, quiet reflection, journalling, bush walks - do you have that support your relationship with God? How could you incorporate these and others that you think you will enjoy into your daily/weekly routines?

• As you reflect on the pains of your past, take the time to express the grief, anger and other emotions to God, pouring out your heart before him.

Take you time to reflect on the questions in each of these sections. They are not intended for you to rush through all in one night so that you have all the answers and are a brand new person tomorrow. These are questions for you to slowly and honestly engage with where you have been, where you are at and how you can continue to find hope and healing as you seek safety in the presence of God. I pray that they questions may support you in being able to see God and yourself more clearly and be blessed in this process.