How do I let go?

What does it look like for me to surrender?

Last week, I shared this post, reflecting on surrender and what genuine, experiential trust looks like. In it I posed a whole lot of questions about trust and surrender and in all those musings, I never really got around to answering any of them outside of exploring more of what it means to surrender.

What does it mean to surrender?

How can I grow in trusting God through everything?

What can I do to surrender? 

How do I let go?

Why do I still want to hold on even after I have prayed about this all? 

Surrender will look different for each and every one of us. We all have different parts of our lives that we find hard to loosen our grip on, certain desires that we hold strongly to and challenges where we remain committed to one particular outcome. There are also times when surrender in one part of our lives will overflow into other areas.

This was something I discovered as I was talking with my counselling mentor about some public speaking events I had coming up. Speaking in front of large crowds of people is not something I am comfortable with; it is most definitely my preference to spin stories hidden behind a keyboard or in an 1:1 or small group context. We were talking some more about what it means to press in to God and trust in him through these presentations when the word surrender came up. As she asked me a few more insightful questions, I could see that surrender in this situation looked like grieving and letting go of a long-term heartache that I had been wrestling with. The process of giving myself permission to weep and prayerfully express all the built up emotions of that heartache left me feeling less anxious and more confident in how God would be working through the upcoming presentations.

Surrender means giving it all over to God. It is trusting him to hold the things that we were never created to hold, casting all our anxieties on him in the knowledge that he really cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). The more that we learn of God's care and provision for us as his children, the more that we can rest in that care and surrender everything over to him. This becomes a daily practice of reminding ourselves of the goodness of God and giving over the parts of our lives that are too big for us to hold. Different parts of this practice might include:

1. Ongoing Prayer

One powerful practice in learning to let go is setting aside time throughout your day to pray. This might include long or short prayers but they are moments that remind us to look outside of ourselves to Someone who is much bigger than us. Begin and end each day looking upward, praising God for his authority and power over everything that is happening and giving over the things that weigh on our minds. Find ways to add prayer throughout your day, this might include praying around mealtimes, a tradition I grew up with, or setting alarms for different times throughout your day to remind you to pause and pray.

Try not to edit your prayers or to only express what you think might be 'acceptable' before God. Instead, include all the emotions and thoughts that you have. Speak of the things that you wrestle with and that weigh on your heart and mind. Ask God to carry the things that are too big for you to carry, give your burdens over to him.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. - Matthew 11:28-30

2. Journalling practice

Building an intentional and structured journalling practice is another powerful way to learn what surrender might look like for you. There is something about picking up a pen and putting everything down on a page that means that the swirling thoughts find a place to rest outside of our heads.

Prayer journalling is something I have done ever since my early teens with varying frequency and intensity. More recently, I have made the commitment to writing a certain amount each day, making sure that I am not curating or editing the words before they go onto the page. This has become a great way for me to honestly reflect on things that are happening in my life, asking questions and pressing in to the uncomfortable things that come up. Sometimes this will start with things that are on my mind, other times I start writing and before long something comes to mind.

Journalling is something that is unique for everyone. You might be someone who benefits from using prompts or find yourself only journalling about specific things that are weighing on you. It might be that you need to bracket your journalling by putting on a timer or limiting yourself to a page or two so that you don't find yourself dragged down by all the emotions that come up. Too many rules might feel restrictive for you, or you might feel that too much breadth leaves you feeling unhinged. Whatever works, leaving the words on the page can be incredibly insightful and transformative in being able to let go and give things over to God.

3. Devotional practice

Prayer is a part of the conversation that we have with God. The other part comes from spending time in his word. This is something that is done in various settings and includes the private time that we spend in God's word. You might refer to this as 'quiet time' or 'devotions', a time you take out of the busyness of your day to reflect on who God is and how he is working in your life as you read a part of scripture or work your way through a devotional book.

Building a devotional practice gives us the opportunity to seek out reminders of God's goodness and providence for our lives, reflecting on the promises and comforts that we find in scripture. This is something that we can do as we read scripture and continue to reflect on who God is and how the passages impact our lives; something we can do by focussing in on the details and wealth found in a few verses as well as reflecting on the message of a whole bible book or collection of chapters that we read. Our devotional practice can also involve reading our way through books that are specifically written for this purpose. Some devotional books are designed to be a full year, covering a range of topics relating to Christian life, while others are designed to relate to particular experiences and topics we might be facing.

The more that we are busy in God's word, the more that we come to learn more about who he is. The more that we learn about who he is, his promises and how he is working in our lives, the closer we can enter into relationship with him, trusting him with the things that are happening and resting in his plan for our lives.

4. Community

We are all a part of the body of Christ and are called to also spend time in God's word in community. A part of this comes in the context of corporate worship and in our interpersonal relationships, both formal and informal. Our journey of surrender is not one that we do alone and often we need the perspective and insight of a trusted friend or mentor to point out how we are holding on to things.

In the presence of others we can find the strength we need to let go of control. They remind us we are not alone, providing empathy and understanding while also connecting our experiences to scripture in ways that we may not be able to on our own. Our trust and relationship with those around us often enriches the trust and relationship that we have with God.

5. Mindful pauses/ breath

Breath is a powerful gift from God that allows us to centre ourselves on the moment, letting go of all the things that we find ourselves burdened by. In the same way that you might be setting aside time to pray throughout your day, take the time to fill moments with a mindful pause or a deep breath. Focus in on the moment and what is happening there and let go of the things that are not yours to carry.

One redemptive perspective on breath is to breathe in on who God is and what he is doing and breathe out what this means for your response. For example, breathe in how God is a strong fortress and safe place and breathe out how that means that you are safe, held and protected regardless of the storms that you face. So often the things that we are holding on to and finding hard to surrender are not just held in our minds. The way that God has created us as embodied souls, means that our bodies often hold on to things just as much. The exhale then becomes a great way to physically let go of all the tension that has been building. As we breathe in and out we can breathe into the parts where we experience muscle tension, thinking of both the physical and emotional experiences of letting go.

6. Make a Playlist and SING

There is something about singing that helps to bridge that incredibly large 30cm gap between our head and heart. The different emotional experiences are put to music together with the way that we take in deep sustained breaths, and the way that the vibrating of our vocal folds impacts our vagus nerve, all work together to calm and sustain us.

Singing songs that give expression to the particular emotional experience that we are facing as well as songs that remind us of who God is in that situation becomes an incredibly restorative experience. Something that can be a great blessing is building a Spotify playlists specific to the emotional experience that you are facing. Choose songs that you know or resonate with you in your current context and as you play the music make sure that you sing along.

Breathe in deeply, filling your heart and lungs with air and follow the breath as you connect to the emotions that are swirling around in your body. Let both flow as you sing the words of the song. If you play an instrument (particularly guitar or piano), pick it up and play one of these songs, singing along. You don't have to be any good at singing for this to be a great blessing.

These practices and more and incredible ways to grow in your relationship with God and being able to let go of the things that are too big for you to hold.

Surrender is not something that happens overnight. It doesn't really work for us to have a really great cry and move on without anything ever coming back up again. Praying over something once, even when it is a comprehensive prayer, is rarely the last time that we pray over that topic. We are stubborn and our hearts need constant reminders that we are not God and to draw close to the One who is. It is my heartfelt prayer that these practices outlined above can be a great blessing to you as you learn more about what it means to give things over to God.